In the Company of Another

I wrote this poem in January 2001, having no idea I had ADD.  Reading it now – knowing this mutant power lives inside me, I realize how insane I was feeling.  Any of you ADDers feel like this?  What do you do about relieving these feelings?  

People say all the time I’m this or I’m that 

Some want my blessing for some it’s tit for tat

Or maybe just to fill some God-shaped void

 

I turn a deaf ear past the shallow affection

So they give up fighting for my attention

They think it’s too hard, the price too steep

It’s not hard to find, but not easy to keep

 

I’m not looking for love

I’m looking for forever

I’m fine if I don’t find it ‘cause

What’s worse than being alone

In the company of another

 

I’m sorry I gave you a ring

I didn’t mean to bug you

It’s ok, know talk’s not your thing

just wondering how you’re doing

Thanks for your time I’ll see you around

Maybe next time if I’m back in town

 

As I wait at the stop opportunities past me by

Like buses headed to places other people wanna try

Thanks for stopping but I’m not getting on

I’m just gonna wait for the right one to come along

 

I’m not looking for love

I’m searching for forever

If I don’t find it that’s okay ‘cause

What’s worse than being alone

In the company of another

 

Is the price of waiting worth all the pain

Just for someone to ride my train

Looking for connection, the comfort of being

Why is the simple life so excruciating?

 

I’m not searching for love

I’m waiting for forever

I’m fine if I don’t find it

What’s worse than feeling alone

In the company of another

A CLOWN’S CONUNDRUM

He’s running far away from what was God given
Looking for the day when the sun bathes him in its light
Even without praying for it all the time
He’s spinning in circles in the patterns of his misbehavior
Where did it all go wrong like a bad clown’s dream

He tap dances with his mortality and his mediocrity
It’s no longer the dream that paves his way
But the fear of normality that saves the day
Scrambled eggs sustains him and makes him whole
But only when they’re runny and mixed with cheese

Cannot write to save his life
Cannot love to make it right
What happened, he wonders, was it always like this
And was I destined to urinate on myself?

I want to be a clown again and make myself laugh
Please, please, please. I’ll do anything and give everything
Even give my sandwich to the three-legged lady
Except give up my dream but even she is threatening to leave
This is the conundrum isn’t it?

Give up and be free or fight and wither in the cold of myself

Turning the Corner

TURNING THE CORNER

The hail comes
coping with hope
surprised
the capacity for human behavior
derailed
hindered
trying to forget
I have admiration
for people who can forget about you
People who come and go
I don’t have that talent
Is there a drug for that?
Move forward, soldier.
Nothing to see here.
Finish the goddam story already.
“She buries me. She makes me invisible.”
the city I live in.
craving to be heard
needing a hand.
“where is this love”
“all i hear are easy words”
closer to what?

Centrifugal force
Too great
To turn the corner